Full Moon Lunar Eclipse 16° Taurus: Nov 2022
2nd to the last round of Pluto at 27° Capricorn (pounding my south node and the US Pluto)
Uranus in Taurus square Saturn in Aquarius: ends mid-March 2023
Endo update (sorry I can’t help but talk about this):
Near the end of 2022, I had a four hour surgery conducted by my new gynecologist/specialist at Magee to remove deep infiltrating endometriosis from areas never accessed before. Before the surgery, Dr. Ted Lee kind of wanted me to get a total hysterectomy. I guess he wasn’t too impressed with my MRI results and said ‘keeping your uterus is not going to prevent the growths from coming back.’ But I wanted to keep my uterus. I have been on this journey for too long and didn’t come this far to finally give in and give it up. So he left it alone and cleaned me up.
I really like Dr. Lee, he spends as much time as you need with him, has thorough conversations with you answering your questions and as another doctor put it is ‘the best endo surgeon on the east coast especially when it comes to nerve involvement.’ He was surprised how I was able to even find him in his little office at the bottom corner of the hospital. After the surgery, he talked with my family in the waiting room and expressed how happy he was with the procedure. The uterus wasn’t as bad as he thought and made some room for my remaining ovary to breathe. He told them that I should now find a nice Indian boy, get married and if I wanted have a kid. I thought ‘you just had to unfuse my uterus from my rectum, do you really think I want to marry an Indian guy?’ Since he is Taiwanese, of course he’s going to say these things.
My first gynecologist passed away a couple of weeks ago. I was deeply saddened to learn that the doctor who helped my mother and I for so many years and who was always a shoulder for her to cry on was instantly gone. I no longer have the comfort of knowing that a few days of the month he is working just a five minute walk away. RIP Dr. James Duggan. My family will always be immensely grateful for your kind service to my family and the community. We will turn everything we’ve been through to help others however we can through your example. It feels like the grief just doesn’t end.
I lost the ability to have periods last year because I was put on progestin. I feel better on it and wish I had this option YEARS ago. My whole life has been a journey through the 12th century mired by themes of the dark ages in between. The general flow of living has put me in a state of severe repression and restriction. Where does one go? Especially without much money? If I didn’t have a mother who has empathy and compassion, what would I do? I would be left bleeding at the side of the road the way a couple Americans have talked with me.
In any case, I have had to come to terms with feeling like I’ve become a man, yet again, by not having periods. But that’s the only way I can function right now. I know many women are grateful for this option but I have trouble accepting it probably because I have five planets in Libra (ruler of ovaries and kidneys, Venus). I am deeply attached. In Hindi, you call your mother’s sister, Maasee or Maasi. My sweet one-year old nephew couldn’t say the ‘ee’ sound a couple times so he called me Maasaa, which is what you call your uncle. An indication that I’m on the undesired but right path. That’s okay, I don’t have a problem being the male version for him but somehow the nightmare that I would one day turn into a full-fledged male is coming true. Now when he wants to show me how he goes down the slide at the playground he says ‘Maasee!’ and goes running. My heart just soars.
I am deepening my journey in alternative health to learn what can prevent or slow future growths. Along with the therapeutic massages, craniosacral treatments, acupuncture, tons of supplements and my tea collection (which doesn’t help with pain but can help a bad mood), the bank balance quickly diminishes. And all while this blinding light I keep annoyingly seeing everywhere keeps following me.
Fuck this shit. What is a person supposed to say at the end of the day.