aquarius

How do you say goodbye to the old Capricorn?

Anjali Soi Astrology , , , , ,

Pluto in Aquarius: January 20 – September 1, 2024, November 19, 2024 – March 8, 2043

Pluto transits last couple degrees of Capricorn: June 12, 2023 – January 21, 2024, September 2nd – November 19th, 2024

Venus Retrograde: 28 Leo – 12 Leo, July 22 – September 3, 2024

Mercury Retrograde: 21 Virgo – 8 Virgo, Aug 23 – September 15, 2024

Venus’ current retrograde in Leo brings attention to what our hearts’ desires are and our creative instincts (Leo) and where or how we need to find balance. Retrogrades are time periods where you take a step back and reevaluate and reflect on the sign’s topics. In this case, Leo also involves children and romance so depending on where the later degrees of Leo fall in your chart and if you have planets there will show how much attention these get during the retrograde.

Currently, it also makes a tense square aspect to Uranus’ long-term transit through Taurus, signifying how we might need to compromise our heart’s wants with our personal needs or the needs of someone else or a particular situation. Maybe due to financial strain, we need to become more creative with how we are using our resources to manifest what we want. Developing a relationship with money and how we create our foundations might shift from doing it routinely through old values and habits to new ones. There could be new relationships or changes in current relationships (Venus) developing underneath the surface, which would help facilitate this shift into the future.

Mercury’s upcoming retrograde through Virgo will also have us reflecting and possibly making changes around our health, how we can be of service, and where we could practice more humility. Venus and Mercury retrograding together for about ten days in August could have us possibly thinking about how we can merge our creative instincts with how we are of service. Are we serving the whole in a way that truly comes from the heart? We may also have to look at where our subjective ego (Leo) may need to become a bit more humble. Do we need to do some self-analysis without becoming too overly critical on how we relate and work with others? Mercury will be in its own sign this time so it has an advantage here to make positive improvements more easily.

I saw Barbie a couple weekends ago and thought of this picture of me. I’m 16 years old, standing straight, hands folded, carrying a serious, resigned and focused look. I know how I’m supposed to look, it’s ingrained in me and so natural. Maybe I knew what my future would hold at that time and it would be the usual: a professional woman ending up in a warped Capricornian, male-dominated or dysfunctional world where I would function without knowledge of her feminine and tortured with it. And personally with a partner who is deranged in nature and happy to be with his princess (barf). If I ever get married, will I be able to eat two or three ladoos in front of my in-laws or will I have to hide in the kitchen to eat them?

It’s neat that this movie came out during Pluto’s transit through the last couple intense degrees of Capricorn. It was quite the cinematic display of power dynamics and blinding superficiality in our systems as well as the extra unneeded attention given to Ken in the film. I’m so glad Barbie was able to finally feel her feels and shed a few tears. I’m also glad she didn’t get hounded by a nurse who was astonished to learn that you chose to keep your uterus (at least in the film).  

I’m at a point in life where I haven’t taken a shit in four days. This is the first time this has happened and as a Plutonian and Punjabi person, this does not make me proud. Ever since my surgery last year, I’m having difficulty shitting. Pluto is for good churning and refining our futures. What am I having trouble letting go? Capricorn represents our fate, past and karma, and the rewards and consequences of what we reap. Will my efforts from the past trying to connect with the feminine and true self reap rewards for this life? What will I shit out? What is having trouble coming forth? How much smooth-move tea can one drink without becoming addicted or miserable?

I have become a different version of Barbie 25 years after this picture was taken. This new Barbie is evolving a different power dynamic with what exists, one where she can finally say no to what doesn’t make her feel comfortable, yes to her passions and most importantly, yes to her body and yes to her psyche. Her body is no longer a machine or a nail in the machine that holds the parts together without herself having any concern for her own well-being. She now works with consciousness and from the heart and has decided it is up to the systems and people out there to respond and compromise. I’ll be inventing (Aquarius) a clearer picture of my ‘heart’s ground’ during these retrogrades and seeing how I can be of more authentic service to the world from this ground especially as Pluto moves into Aquarius. And let’s hope I can also find my routine again..

My Taurus Tea Collection

Anjali Soi Astrology , , , , , ,

Mercury retrograde 24° – 8° Capricorn: Dec 29, 2022 – Jan 18, 2023

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse 16° Taurus: Nov 2022

2nd to the last round of Pluto at 27° Capricorn (pounding my south node and the US Pluto)

Uranus in Taurus square Saturn in Aquarius: ends mid-March 2023

Endo update (sorry I can’t help but talk about this):

Near the end of 2022, I had a four hour surgery conducted by my new gynecologist/specialist at Magee to remove deep infiltrating endometriosis from areas never accessed before. Before the surgery, Dr. Ted Lee kind of wanted me to get a total hysterectomy. I guess he wasn’t too impressed with my MRI results and said ‘keeping your uterus is not going to prevent the growths from coming back.’ But I wanted to keep my uterus. I have been on this journey for too long and didn’t come this far to finally give in and give it up. So he left it alone and cleaned me up.

I really like Dr. Lee, he spends as much time as you need with him, has thorough conversations with you answering your questions and as another doctor put it is ‘the best endo surgeon on the east coast especially when it comes to nerve involvement.’ He was surprised how I was able to even find him in his little office at the bottom corner of the hospital. After the surgery, he talked with my family in the waiting room and expressed how happy he was with the procedure. The uterus wasn’t as bad as he thought and made some room for my remaining ovary to breathe. He told them that I should now find a nice Indian boy, get married and if I wanted have a kid. I thought ‘you just had to unfuse my uterus from my rectum, do you really think I want to marry an Indian guy?’ Since he is Taiwanese, of course he’s going to say these things.

My first gynecologist passed away a couple of weeks ago. I was deeply saddened to learn that the doctor who helped my mother and I for so many years and who was always a shoulder for her to cry on was instantly gone. I no longer have the comfort of knowing that a few days of the month he is working just a five minute walk away. RIP Dr. James Duggan. My family will always be immensely grateful for your kind service to my family and the community. We will turn everything we’ve been through to help others however we can through your example. It feels like the grief just doesn’t end.

I lost the ability to have periods last year because I was put on progestin. I feel better on it and wish I had this option YEARS ago. My whole life has been a journey through the 12th century mired by themes of the dark ages in between. The general flow of living has put me in a state of severe repression and restriction. Where does one go? Especially without much money? If I didn’t have a mother who has empathy and compassion, what would I do? I would be left bleeding at the side of the road the way a couple Americans have talked with me.

In any case, I have had to come to terms with feeling like I’ve become a man, yet again, by not having periods. But that’s the only way I can function right now. I know many women are grateful for this option but I have trouble accepting it probably because I have five planets in Libra (ruler of ovaries and kidneys, Venus). I am deeply attached. In Hindi, you call your mother’s sister, Maasee or Maasi. My sweet one-year old nephew couldn’t say the ‘ee’ sound a couple times so he called me Maasaa, which is what you call your uncle. An indication that I’m on the undesired but right path. That’s okay, I don’t have a problem being the male version for him but somehow the nightmare that I would one day turn into a full-fledged male is coming true. Now when he wants to show me how he goes down the slide at the playground he says ‘Maasee!’ and goes running. My heart just soars.

I am deepening my journey in alternative health to learn what can prevent or slow future growths. Along with the therapeutic massages, craniosacral treatments, acupuncture, tons of supplements and my tea collection (which doesn’t help with pain but can help a bad mood), the bank balance quickly diminishes. And all while this blinding light I keep annoyingly seeing everywhere keeps following me.

Fuck this shit. What is a person supposed to say at the end of the day.

Astrology Book Launch Party!

Anjali Soi Astrology , , , , ,

Celebrate the launch of Anjali’s new astrology coloring book, Poetic Meditations for the Astrological Journey: Adult Coloring Book. Enjoy Indian snacks as you take a look at the book, a great holiday gift for yourself or loved one!

Open to everyone. Parking in the garage next to the hotel is free for up to three hours.

About the book: You are invited to color images that express the symbolism of the zodiac signs and show narratives in astrology-themed poetry. Whether you are a beginner to astrology or an advanced learner, this coloring book can be a meditative and fun activity that helps you explore and find meaning in the signs.

Reflections on Neptune and Saturn Retrogrades: I have had enough

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Neptune retrograde 25° – 22° Pisces: June 28 – Dec 3, 2022

Saturn Retrograde 25° – 18° Aquarius: June 4 – Oct 23, 2022

Uranus in Taurus: feels like forever

When I was seven, eight or nine, I can’t remember which trip it was, my family and I, with my uncle, aunt, cousin and grandma traveled to two holy places in India, where the Goddess is deeply worshipped. The trips were amazing. I have never felt such abundance. We completed our prayers, felt many memorable scenes and then made the long drive back home.

As it goes with being a young kid, you end up having a little too much fun because you feel like it. On the way back, my cousin, sister and I decided to yell at and scare people out the car window as we drove past them. Not sure exactly what prompted this but the feeling of freedom overtook us as our driver drove through the gorgeous sunlight that day. All the kids were in one van with Nani and the rest of the adults were in the other van.

Despite Nani’s protests, I remember yelling at one newlywed couple stuck at the side of the road trying to fix their scooter to watch out for the snake (saap!) behind them. A few people lost control of their bikes. But we complimented one girl on her beautiful buffaloes in the distance. In the light, their almost black coats looked other-wordly.

Needless to say, we ended up having not one but two flat tires. After the first flat, the parents asked us to stop in a nice manner for fear of universal retribution. The second flat tire is what truly made us stop because that was a difficult one to fix and we kids believed our work was truly done. As everyone lazily lounged back with their fantas waiting for the tire to be fixed, I couldn’t help but take in the breathtaking view of a girl across the street tending to her sea of goats in a large field under a serene afternoon into the sunset. That scene has been in the back of my mind forever.

This memory is so vivid in my being right now. Neptune’s Pisces retrograde must be taking me back to a special spiritual moment as I also view how I might have terrorized others as a seven year old (Aquarius). Recently, I found a deep pain in my lower left side has not gone away even after my procedure a few months ago. It has been brutal. I haven’t been able to sit in a chair. Most of my work is done on the sofa with my leg up, random other places around the house (I assure you I’m working) or the Panera cushion I can tolerate at times.

Something in me a few months ago told me to see an endometriosis specialist, a type of person I possibly saw in a google search and/or mentioned in the comments of an endometriosis support group on Facebook I look to at times for connection and then mentioned later on by a doctor in my doctor’s office in a moment of intense throbbing, twisting pain. Thankfully I had already made the appointment before this moment and I waited five and half months to see a specialist at Magee, who confirmed my suspicions. It is likely I have endometrial growths in deeper areas of my pelvis. I will need a procedure that removes them via excision instead of ablation. We will confirm with a different type of pelvic MRI where my vajayjay will be injected with gel (God help me).

I am relieved but devastated. I am always devastated. Everything comes back to me – the missed opportunities, fun and moments I could have had without this wretched disorder. And the simultaneous weighing against what others don’t have and how lucky I am with ‘all the support I could possibly need.’ It’s hard to feel grateful.

There are many women who don’t have their own bathrooms in this world and/or menstrual products. How many times growing up did I waste so much water sitting in the shower hoping the hot temperature would help soothe my pain? How many times have I gone over not being able to work at a conventional place of work where I could have had some more experience and money only to be treated like a second class citizen because I needed a five minute break? I still question whether I belong there.

How many times have I evaluated when and when not I will have the ability to physically do something, anything, only to have my evaluations proven wrong? And dealing with the endless insensitive comments of others, whether they mean it or not, which they often don’t. At the end of the day, as I sit in my comfortable bed with a cup of tea, the thing that has kept me going is gratitude for that darn old bathroom.

What I would do for the eternal joy of being a seven year old under a brilliant sun riding in that car again free of pain, only God knows. What is surprising to me is how I’m unfortunately thinking about the insensitive and turd-like mannerisms of some white people at this moment. Why is this beautiful memory tarnished with this reality? Why am I writing about it in the same post? I’m having trouble synthesizing what is real from what is unreal and find myself saying over and again in my mind throughout the day: UNREAL.

I just had a woman in her late forties whitesplain and appropriate to me about a creative project. In such a crass way. And I hired her! Forget about professionalism, it seems there is some level of ‘informality’ that can be accessed which I can’t imagine occurring with brown people. And I have dealt with a lot of brown people. And what is it that makes an old white, crusty mediator who has had a career and wants you to be a part of his dying career literally say: “you’re family must be so frustrated with you” as he manipulates you to join his ‘firm’ during covid. I don’t want to be a part of your stupid ‘firm’!

As if the other American bullshit isn’t enough to deal with, I remember years ago, this wretched white guy whose kid I tutored asked me to now tutor his niece. After reading my contract (or so they said it was read), which requires payment upfront, the parent did not bring payment to the first session. I then calmly explain in a sentence why I cannot tutor (and his son forgot to bring payment more than once before) and quietly walk away. I was then barraged with voicemails and emails with him calling me a c*** saying I need psychological help. And the contact (white woman! who owns an educational company!) who referred this turd to me, after he complains to the contact, emails me and says ‘I’m not surprised by his complaints.’ She never met me in person and I hardly spoke with her ever.

I’ve seen my mother deal with many Indian people in the course of her business. It sucks seeing people “bargain” with your mother for twenty dollars when they own half a million to million dollar homes. But hey, it doesn’t suck as bad as a thieving ‘mediator’ and being called the c word. This is hate.

It seems to me that whatever that level of informality is or pattern is, it exists. I feel we need to know within ourselves the type of communication and interaction appropriate for each one of us, asserting it with boundaries (Taurus) and endings while watching for the red flags. We must know our limits (Saturn).

You know, some of us don’t walk around calculating how we’re going to behave and what we’re going to say in this world. I don’t think as I interact with the world everyday ‘okay I’m interacting as a woman so this is what I will or will not say.’ I just think and behave naturally. When I’m triggered, a mix of responses come up. Should we constantly be triggered and our minds and bodies under constant duress and stress where we have to be mindful of how we respond to this? The world’s behavior, as one psychology professor put it, ‘has become so very weird.’

Unreal..

  • The update (Aug 2022) is I have DIE (deep infiltrating endometriosis) which happens often with those with stage IV endo and adenomyosis, all of which has never been addressed since I was a teenager. I’m so glad to have confirmed that I own death. And other great stuff like hydrosalpinx aka pixy stix. I wish the system worked in a way so I could have had the excision laparascopy option years ago, which is fortunately minimally invasive.

Uranus in Taurus Reflections

Anjali Soi Astrology , , , , , , ,

Over the last few months, as much as I have tried to pull myself out of a bottomless pit of despair and woundedness, I regrettably have not been able to get out of it. My body suffered through one too many extra pastries, lack of exercise, the usual hormonal imbalances and an idly stagnant mental health scene.

Of course you can always look to the intense transits in the sky and one’s evolutionary karma to understand why there is a ton of gunk sitting in front of you, there from whatever reason, through your fault or another’s. Because I am not yet an enlightened monk, I unfortunately cannot dissolve it with the laser focus of my inner light so I need the help of various methods to help me through and astrology is at the end of the day, a big one of those methods.

The pain I’ve been feeling has been so literal, so in the body. The current Uranus in Taurus transit is one of the main culprits with it transiting my Moon sign, and Taurus, in addition to Aries, is the body. Taurus is the physical and emotional needs of a person from which it relates with itself and others and which contribute to survival. It teaches self-sufficiency, foundation-building and learns what its’ needs are. The evolutionary journey starts in Aries, when the Soul is propelled from the womb and experiences the initial spark of life and instinct but it then forms attachments with its surroundings through Taurus, coming to some understanding of what is a part of our survival and values.

Uranus forces us to rebel and become our Authentic self. Its’ electrification initiates our liberation in unexpected ways, being that it is also the planet of shocks. Its’ continued transit through Taurus means we have been jumpstarted into a journey of uncovering what we need to physically and emotionally survive and be our True Selves. And if we aren’t aware of what our needs are or even the concept of having needs then we are up for some surprises.

A divorce, betrayal, loss of income or injury are just a few of the many examples of situations that would force us into learning about why what was didn’t survive and what it is that we will need moving forward to build solid foundations that will last longer. The Taurus bull sure loves sweets so instead of reaching for that pastry, we can focus on what is internally missing in the first place even if it’s painful, go for a brisk walk and make a smoothie instead.

Simultaneously occurring Chiron in Aries makes the stress on the body more difficult, especially the head area, with stress headaches and migraines, and increased inflammation in the body. Chiron is a comet similar to Uranus in that it shows us the nature of our wounds. The theme of these wounds is ever present throughout our lives but Chiron is known as the ‘wounded healer,’ so it becomes a great healer after transforming from them.

Aries instinct is masculine in nature, but it exists in everybody regardless of sex or gender, and where we have not been able to exercise our primal self produces pain. Pluto has drudged up a lot around our world systems through its transit in Capricorn so intense rage is sure to come up especially given the historical existence of patriarchy over thousands of years with many human beings repressed in so many ways. The collective effects of Chiron in Aries are violence, impulsive behavior and tremendous fear. Repressed rage and anxiety results from separation anxiety (initially from the womb), being cutoff from the primal psyche and unactualized will.

Astrology_with_Anjali

As we uncover ways in which our Taurean survival needs are traumatized, the effect on the body and mental health can take a toll. Are we not being forced into taking care of our physical vessels and reevaluating how we manifest our willpower? Do we still have a willpower? I myself have repeatedly imagined my natural brown-skinned self and how she would have felt surviving in nature, killing animals and collecting nuts for food, while adorning herself with natural paint colors taken from flowers and leaves. There is such a feeling of peace and sensual satisfaction from it. Alas, the only option I have is going into a pharmacy with rows of packaging and picking out a ‘beauty’ option to hopefully feel vibrant.

In any case, the uncovering of our independence and earthly selves is paramount, especially if we have to physically survive and isn’t survival the primary concern in our world after all? These transits will continue for another five years. Instead of eternally saddened about the upsets in life or falling into despair, maybe I should realize that indeed there is a ‘basic’ part of my evolutionary journey missing and for much of humankind and it’s up to me to bring it into my existence to fulfill the journey.

Solar Eclipse in Aquarius

Anjali Soi Astrology , , ,

February’s solar eclipse again highlights the birth of a ‘Collective Vision’ and brings an opportunity to create an intention around manifesting this because it’s a new moon (Solar eclipses are new moons). It occurs in conjunction with the Sun and Mercury to almost the same degree helping us align our thinking and well-being around shared ideals. This moment is literally screaming ‘It’s the Age of Aquarius!’ and it really is time to focus on the values and ideas that work towards creating harmony within a group or society.

What I love about this eclipse is that it flows into a beautiful Piscean current towards the end of the month (Neptune/Mercury and Neptune/Venus conjunctions in Pisces) reminding us to always integrate compassion, healing and a sense of service within the work done in the collective. Neptune/Pisces has an exquisite imagination and we might begin to imagine some wonderful and even surreal possibilities as to how relationships and ways of relating to each other can evolve. If you need a dose of groundedness or practicality, you’ll get it on the Full Moon in Virgo on March 1, but don’t be afraid to dream big and have faith in the possibilities.

The vision we form now becomes the ground we walk on in the near future and we should feel free to incorporate our intellectual sides. Another phase of intensity is brewing underground and we’ll be seeing the effects of that in the spring so forming new definitions of what independence, friendship and compromise look like now will ensure that we’re prepared for what’s coming ahead.

Total Lunar Eclipse in Leo

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This eclipse again highlights the Leo/Aquarian axis and feels like the height of this energy given the series of Leo/Aquarian Full Moon and Solar eclipses on the following dates:

25 Aquarius – Aug 2016

22 Leo – Feb 2017

15 Aquarius – Aug 2017

Solar eclipse 28 Leo – Aug 2017

11 Leo – Jan 2018

Solar eclipse 27 Aquarius – Feb 2018

4 Aquarius – July 2018

Solar eclipse 18 Leo – Aug 2018

0 Leo – Jan 2019

As you can see, a certain cycle began in Aug 2016, culminates now and goes underground by the end of this year. Creative efforts that began with a lot of Heart in the past are materializing especially with Saturn in Capricorn now, whose time has come to give out rewards (and punishments) in form. The creative (Leo) work doesn’t end, however, and expressing our creativities with healthy ego while embodying a spirit of inclusion and innovation (Aquarius) is crucial. Eclipses bring changes so we are at a point of rebirth or deep shift relative to what we are creating and how things will look no matter where we find ourselves in the journey. Committing to intelligently working with a collective mindset at this juncture will help us profoundly in moments when we feel like choosing between war and peace and we’ll feel this more during the Solar Eclipse at 27 Aquarius on Feb 15.

The Sun, Venus and Mercury are also currently sitting on the South node at 14 Aquarius, heightening our thinking, needs and well-being around cooperation and unity, the more positive embodiment of this energy versus becoming stubborn and inflexible. They are positioned within the eclipse’s spotlight so there is a beautiful potential for the honest and authentic expression of our identities and individualities in a spirit of play, generosity and unity. Mars’ Sagittarian influence until mid-March can encourage this expression with a sense of adventure where we discover new philosophies and realities and remember to be lighthearted.