Reflections on Neptune and Saturn Retrogrades: I have had enough

Neptune retrograde 25° – 22° Pisces: June 28 – Dec 3, 2022

Saturn Retrograde 25° – 18° Aquarius: June 4 – Oct 23, 2022

Uranus in Taurus: feels like forever

When I was seven, eight or nine, I can’t remember which trip it was, my family and I, with my uncle, aunt, cousin and grandma traveled to two holy places in India, where the Goddess is deeply worshipped. The trips were amazing. I have never felt such abundance. We completed our prayers, felt many memorable scenes and then made the long drive back home.

As it goes with being a young kid, you end up having a little too much fun because you feel like it. On the way back, my cousin, sister and I decided to yell at and scare people out the car window as we drove past them. Not sure exactly what prompted this but the feeling of freedom overtook us as our driver drove through the gorgeous sunlight that day. All the kids were in one van with Nani and the rest of the adults were in the other van.

Despite Nani’s protests, I remember yelling at one newlywed couple stuck at the side of the road trying to fix their scooter to watch out for the snake (saap!) behind them. A few people lost control of their bikes. But we complimented one girl on her beautiful buffaloes in the distance. In the light, their almost black coats looked other-wordly.

Needless to say, we ended up having not one but two flat tires. After the first flat, the parents asked us to stop in a nice manner for fear of universal retribution. The second flat tire is what truly made us stop because that was a difficult one to fix and we kids believed our work was truly done. As everyone lazily lounged back with their fantas, waiting for the tire to be fixed, I couldn’t help but take in the breathtaking view of a girl across the street tending to her sea of goats in a large field under a serene afternoon into the sunset. That scene has been in the back of my mind forever.

This memory is so vivid in my being right now. Neptune’s Pisces retrograde must be taking me back to a special spiritual moment as I also view how I might have terrorized others as a seven year old (Aquarius). Recently, I found a deep pain in my lower left side has not gone away even after my procedure a few months ago. It has been brutal. I haven’t been able to sit for long in a chair. Most of my work is done on the sofa with my leg up, random other places around the house (I assure you I’m working) or the Panera cushion I can tolerate at times.

Something in me a few months ago told me to see an endometriosis specialist, a type of person I possibly saw in a google search and mentioned in the comments of an endometriosis support group on Facebook I look to at times for connection and then mentioned later on by a doctor in my doctor’s office in a moment of intense throbbing, twisting pain. I waited five and half months to see the specialist at Magee, who was attentive and confirmed my suspicions. It is likely I have endometrial growths in deeper areas of my pelvis and on my nerves. I may need a procedure that removes them via excision instead of ablation. We will confirm with a different type of pelvic MRI where my vajayjay will be injected with gel (God help me).

I am relieved but devastated. I am always devastated. Everything comes back to me – the missed opportunities, fun and moments I could have had without this wretched disorder. And the simultaneous weighing against what others don’t have and how lucky I am with ‘all the support I could possibly need.’ It’s hard to feel grateful.

There are many women who don’t have their own bathrooms in this world and menstrual products. How many times growing up did I waste so much water sitting in the shower hoping the hot temperature would help soothe my pain? How many times have I gone over not being able to work at a conventional place of work where I could have had some more experience and money only to be treated like a second class citizen? I still question whether I belong there.

How many times have I evaluated when and when not I will have the ability to physically do something, anything, only to have my evaluations proven wrong? And dealing with the endless insensitive comments of others, whether they mean it or not, which they often don’t. At the end of the day, as I sit in my comfortable bed with a cup of tea, the thing that has kept me going is gratitude for that darn old bathroom.

What I would do for the eternal joy and freedom of being a seven year old under a brilliant sun riding in a car free of pain, only God knows. What is surprising to me is how I’m unfortunately thinking about the insensitive and turd-like mannerisms of some white people at this moment. Why is this beautiful memory tarnished with this reality? Why am I writing about it in the same post? I’m having trouble synthesizing what is real from what is unreal and find myself saying over and again in my mind throughout the day: UNREAL.

I just had a woman in her late forties whitesplain and appropriate to me about a creative project. In such a crass way. And I hired her! Forget about professionalism, it seems there is some level of ‘informality’ that certain people feel they can access which I can’t even imagine occurring with brown people. And I have dealt with a lot of brown people. And what is it that also makes an old white, crusty mediator who has had a career and wants you to be a part of his dying career literally say: “you’re family must be so frustrated with you” as he manipulates you to join his ‘firm’ during covid. I don’t want to be a part of your stupid ‘firm’!

As if the other American bullshit isn’t enough to deal with, I remember years ago, this wretched white guy whose kid I tutored asked me to now tutor his niece. After reading my contract (or so they said it was read), which requires payment upfront, the parent did not bring payment to the first session. I then calmly explain in a sentence why I cannot tutor (and lord knows his son forgot to bring payment more than once before) and quietly walk away. I was then barraged with voicemails and emails with him calling me a c*** saying I need psychological help. And the contact (white woman! who owns an educational company!) who referred this turd to me, after he complains to the contact, emails me and says ‘I’m not surprised by his complaints.’ She never met me in person and I hardly spoke with her ever.

I’ve seen my mother deal with many Indian people in the course of her business. It sucks seeing people “bargain” with your mother for twenty dollars when they own half a million to million dollar homes. But hey, it doesn’t suck as bad as a thieving ‘mediator’ and being called the c word. This is hate.

It seems to me that whatever that level of informality is or pattern is, I’m convinced it exists. I feel we need to know within ourselves the type of communication and interaction appropriate for each one of us, asserting it with boundaries (Taurus) and endings while watching for the red flags. We must know our limits (Saturn).

You know, some of us don’t walk around calculating how we’re going to behave and what we’re going to say in this world. I don’t think as I interact with the world everyday ‘okay I’m interacting as a woman so this is what I will or will not say.’ I just think and behave naturally. When I’m triggered, a mix of responses come up. Should we constantly be triggered and our minds and bodies under constant duress and stress where we have to be mindful of how we respond to this? The world’s behavior, as one psychology professor put it, ‘has become so very weird.’

Unreal..

  • The update (Aug 2022) is I have DIE (deep infiltrating endometriosis) which happens to one to five percent of women with endo and often with stage IV and which has never been addressed since I was a teenager and adenomyosis. I’m so glad to have confirmed that I own death. And other great stuff like hydrosalpinx aka pixy stix. I will need an excision laparoscopy which is fortunately minimally invasive. I wish the system worked in a way that had helped me have this option years ago.

Full Moon in Libra & Chiron in Aries

Hope the Full Moon in Libra yesterday helped initiate a level of balance for you ~ I wrote an article in the Career Astrologer’s Spring Equinox edition titled ‘Tapping into the Libra Polarity’ during Chiron’s transit through Aries, which begins April 17th and continues for eight years. During this time, making efforts to establish balance and harmony will be incredibly important. I think it will be helpful to reflect on the upcoming transit during this Full Moon on how we can invite more cooperation, fairness and gentleness into our lives 

Find the article on page 4 at: https://www.opaastrology.org/March2018caOPA.pdf

Mars Heavy

Beginning now until end of April, an interplay between fire and earth elements tests us on many levels. Mercury begins its retrograde in Aries, ruled by Mars, on the 23rd until Apr 16 and Uranus covers the last couple of degrees of Aries before it enters Taurus in May. We also have the Sun in Aries, the north node continuing in Leo (fire), Jupiter continuing in Scorpio (traditional ruler Mars) and Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn (earth). Aries, an aggressive, instinct-driven energy, is closely connected to the physical body. Our thinking (Mercury) is aligning with Aries energy and the retrograde transit will encourage us to deeply reflect on where we are out of alignment with our instinctual natures. Observing where one’s intuition and gut instincts are repressed during the retrograde will indicate where peace and harmony need to be integrated.

Take advantage of this retrograde period to move in a healing direction particularly as a prevention measure because April becomes increasingly intense (and possibly ugly) with Mars drilling in Capricorn now until May 17th. Aries and Capricorn are energies that don’t easily merge or work well together and without consistent intentional effort towards positive productivity, they get scattered and frustrated. Mars’ hot-tempered nature doesn’t exactly provide warning as to what it wants but its’ severing energy wants to in fact break apart the existing structures (Capricorn) and systems in our lives. Mars throws tantrums because it wants to be human again and anything that blocks the expression of that humanness must be faced.

Energy expresses itself positively or negatively. Negative manifestations of Mars include violence, rage or illness such as headaches. Capricorn rules bones so aggravations of arthritis, bone diseases and inflammation are likely especially if you are already prone. April 1-3 brings a culmination point with a Mars and Saturn conjunction and Venus’ transit through Taurus in April emphasizes survival but brings a more supportive influence.

Mars whirls in another layer of energy April 17th, with a New Moon in Aries and Chiron moving into Aries for the next eight years. If you haven’t had enough of Mars yet, stay tuned.

Solar Eclipse in Aquarius

February’s solar eclipse again highlights the birth of a ‘Collective Vision’ and brings an opportunity to create an intention around manifesting this because it’s a new moon (Solar eclipses are new moons). It occurs in conjunction with the Sun and Mercury to almost the same degree helping us align our thinking and well-being around shared ideals. This moment is literally screaming ‘It’s the Age of Aquarius!’ and it really is time to focus on the values and ideas that work towards creating harmony within a group or society.

What I love about this eclipse is that it flows into a beautiful Piscean current towards the end of the month (Neptune/Mercury and Neptune/Venus conjunctions in Pisces) reminding us to always integrate compassion, healing and a sense of service within the work done in the collective. Neptune/Pisces has an exquisite imagination and we might begin to imagine some wonderful and even surreal possibilities as to how relationships and ways of relating to each other can evolve. If you need a dose of groundedness or practicality, you’ll get it on the Full Moon in Virgo on March 1, but don’t be afraid to dream big and have faith in the possibilities.

The vision we form now becomes the ground we walk on in the near future and we should feel free to incorporate our intellectual sides. Another phase of intensity is brewing underground and we’ll be seeing the effects of that in the spring so forming new definitions of what independence, friendship and compromise look like now will ensure that we’re prepared for what’s coming ahead.

Total Lunar Eclipse in Leo

This eclipse again highlights the Leo/Aquarian axis and feels like the height of this energy given the series of Leo/Aquarian Full Moon and Solar eclipses on the following dates:

25 Aquarius – Aug 2016

22 Leo – Feb 2017

15 Aquarius – Aug 2017

Solar eclipse 28 Leo – Aug 2017

11 Leo – Jan 2018

Solar eclipse 27 Aquarius – Feb 2018

4 Aquarius – July 2018

Solar eclipse 18 Leo – Aug 2018

0 Leo – Jan 2019

As you can see, a certain cycle began in Aug 2016, culminates now and goes underground by the end of this year. Creative efforts that began with a lot of Heart in the past are materializing especially with Saturn in Capricorn now, whose time has come to give out rewards (and punishments) in form. The creative (Leo) work doesn’t end, however, and expressing our creativities with healthy ego while embodying a spirit of inclusion and innovation (Aquarius) is crucial. Eclipses bring changes so we are at a point of rebirth or deep shift relative to what we are creating and how things will look no matter where we find ourselves in the journey. Committing to intelligently working with a collective mindset at this juncture will help us profoundly in moments when we feel like choosing between war and peace and we’ll feel this more during the Solar Eclipse at 27 Aquarius on Feb 15.

The Sun, Venus and Mercury are also currently sitting on the South node at 14 Aquarius, heightening our thinking, needs and well-being around cooperation and unity, the more positive embodiment of this energy versus becoming stubborn and inflexible. They are positioned within the eclipse’s spotlight so there is a beautiful potential for the honest and authentic expression of our identities and individualities in a spirit of play, generosity and unity. Mars’ Sagittarian influence until mid-March can encourage this expression with a sense of adventure where we discover new philosophies and realities and remember to be lighthearted.

Saturn & Jupiter ~ Crisis in Consciousness

Saturn’s transition from fiery, excitable Sagittarius into stolid, earthy Capricorn took place at the tail end of 2017 and slowed down the motion so to speak. The emphasis shifted from Sag’s nomadic, philosophical, truth and meaning seeking thinking into Capricorn’s settled, foundation-making mentality. For the next two and a half to three years, we will be reevaluating our existing foundations on all levels including the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. As we do this, faults in our foundations will undoubtedly appear especially with Jupiter’s Scorpionic emphasis and the key will be to make appropriate changes without fear.

In astrology, the signs and planets have dual expressions of their energies, manifesting either positively and proactively or negatively and dysfunctionally. Saturn in Capricorn’s higher expression will be to (re)build with values of honesty, commitment and forgiveness instead of selfishness and condescension. There is also little room now to resort to the type of Sagittarian dogmatism and stubbornness that surfaced intensely over the last couple of years. It will be more productive to bring higher ideals and deeper philosophies uncovered during the recent Sagittarian journey into the process of changing how we build foundations. This process has already been initiated by Jupiter’s transit in Scorpio and will be re-emphasized when Jupiter moves into Sagittarius in November of 2018.

According to evolutionary astrology, Jupiter and Saturn have been in a ‘crisis in consciousness’ phase in relationship to each other, where beliefs, judgments and the structures related to them were shaken up resulting in confrontations and climaxes of varying intensities. They are just now entering the spiritual ideation phase but will dip back into ‘crisis in consciousness’ this spring and summer. Look forward to some more uprooting. Various themes will emerge under Capricorn’s emphasis such as confronting our conditionings, asserting our personal authorities, setting limits and boundaries, all to be accomplished either proactively or traumatically. We will find these themes in the collective consciousness on a world level no matter where or when we find ourselves. Overall, the breakdown of structures for regeneration purposes has begun and the potential for transformation is massive.

Jupiter in Scorpio

You can find another article I wrote in the Holiday Issue of Bodhi Tree Magazine on page 4 at: https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/view/59631242/holiday-2017

JupiterinScorpio

Jupiter has now entered the sign of Scorpio for about 13 months, after having been in Libra since Sep 10, 2016. Scorpio is a sign of regeneration and growth, processes that come with varying degrees of death and rebirth, while Jupiter brings expansion and philosophical meaning to our experiences. The house(s) Scorpio covers in your natal chart will indicate which areas in life you will experience this growth.

Opportunities for positive change may become readily available or they may come through crises and drama. Jupiter in Scorpio in essence brings with it a deeper integration of the psyche and a holistic understanding of the self.

Jupiter’s effect on Mars’ transit through Libra from Oct 22 until Dec 10 will be a deepening desire to understand one’s interpersonal and worldly relationships and how they must harmonize and balance. I feel that Jupiter is also beginning to unearth an understanding of the masculine and feminine as both Venus and Mars transit Libra and Scorpio. Saturn’s final square to Chiron in Pisces (Oct 27 – Nov 5) may bring up some remaining hurts and wounds, particularly around the masculine/feminine, as well as a spiritual opportunity to begin healing. A Venus/Uranus opposition on Nov 3 will bring a moment of equilibrium and an opportune moment of integration. It could also trigger internal and external conflict in order for a new equilibrium to occur.